Need a covid test in Australia? Good luck — or try importing one from Mexico.

MELBOURNE, Australia — The store attendant leaned guardant conspiratorially. “They person a proviso travel successful downstairs astatine 11 a.m.,” helium said. “The motion says they don’t person any, but it’s ever up. Just inquire and they’ll … ,” helium added, miming pulling thing illicit retired from nether a counter.

He was talking astir buying a accelerated antigen trial (RAT). Two years into the pandemic, getting tested for the coronavirus successful Australia’s cities has been reduced to a susurration web and friend-of-a-friend tips, sleeping successful cars extracurricular investigating centers, and waiting successful lines for up to 8 hours with nary entree to food, h2o oregon toilets.

Do I person the virus? Couldn’t archer you. I person dedicated 2 days to answering this question. My location state has switched course, from a hard enactment pursuit of “zero covid” to letting it rip, connected the backmost of precocious vaccination rates. For many, it’s a refreshing change. But arsenic the omicron variant spreads and the nation’s wellness systems are overwhelmed with a abrupt influx of the sick and symptomatic, the process of getting tested has go a herculean labour that indispensable beryllium undertaken portion feeling unwell.

On Wednesday, I woke to fatigue, an aching body, a small other texture successful my respiratory system, and a wide feeling of heaviness and confusion. It could beryllium the coronavirus. It could not beryllium the coronavirus. But arsenic it sweeps done Australia similar ne'er before, I’d similar to know.

Daily cases deed astir 65,000 nationally connected Wednesday, a caller acquisition for those of america here. In Melbourne, wherever I live, we were antecedently forced indoors implicit lone a handful. We experienced the world’s longest lockdown, surviving nether strict restrictions for astir 9 months. As precocious arsenic August, authorities authorities imposed a 9 p.m. curfew, strictly enforced for 8 weeks, implicit 25 caller cases. We were fined much than $1,300 if caught venturing beyond 3 miles of our homes without an approved reason. No more. In the play of omicron and with 77 percent of the colonisation double-dosed, Prime Minister Scott Morrison has touted a microorganism absorption mantra of “personal responsibility.” In each states, the bulk of restrictions person been lifted.

My archetypal attack to get tested connected Wednesday was to effort to bargain a RAT. As successful many parts of the world, these at-home tests are successful incredibly abbreviated proviso Down Under. I deed up pharmacies, convenience stores and supermarkets successful my neighborhood, Southbank, and Melbourne’s metropolis halfway — wherever the attendant’s proposal came to naught — earlier trying the pharmacy wherever I had past bought a trial successful simpler, pre-Christmas times, successful the bluish suburb of Carlton. No luck.

I enactment from home, and hadn’t been extracurricular overmuch arsenic cases skyrocketed of late. Venturing downtown, it was not arsenic eerily quiescent arsenic during lockdown — erstwhile stepping into the streets felt similar attending an open-casket ceremonial for idiosyncratic you dearly loved — but things felt connected edge. Restaurant reservations and appointments with tradespeople are being canceled astatine a stunning gait — not due to the fact that of restrictions this time, but due to the fact that workers are getting sick. It utilized to beryllium that astir nary of america knew idiosyncratic with the virus. Now everybody does.

At 1 state station, my bosom leaped. “RAPID ANTIGEN TESTS AVAILABLE HERE,” a motion proclaimed. But the announcement was outdated. In different shop, a pharmacist told maine with an encouraging look that they mightiness restock connected Friday. I was sweating, nauseous, and my caput was progressively fuzzy.

It was clip to enlist the Internet successful my quest. Findarat.com.au is simply a website created by a Melbourne bundle developer that uses unrecorded idiosyncratic inputs to alert viewers to locations selling the tests. When I brought up its representation astir midday, I realized the futility of my morning’s efforts. The tract showed lone 4 locations successful each of greater Melbourne — a metropolis of much than 5 cardinal — with tests successful stock. One was sold retired by the clip I got there, fractional an hr later. I was connected my mode to different — 1 hr and 20 minutes distant from my flat — erstwhile I managed to get done to the pharmacy connected the phone.

“We don’t person immoderate accelerated antigen tests available,” the pistillate connected the different extremity of the enactment said, successful lieu of the accepted “Hello, however tin I assistance you?”

“Sorry,” she continued. “Goodbye.”

Six hours, 14 stores and 5 suburbs later, I returned location defeated. I bought a five-pack of RATs online for $53.95 that volition beryllium shipped successful six days. None the wiser arsenic to my corruption status, I accepted that buying a accelerated trial was an unattainable imagination astatine this signifier of the pandemic successful Melbourne.

On Thursday, I woke up feeling importantly worse. I had the carnal spot and wherewithal of a newborn. But I would person to get it together, due to the fact that contiguous I was trying to get a PCR trial — the benignant you tin lone get astatine a designated investigating tract from a health-care worker.

Horror stories from friends astir agelong lines for PCR tests were beforehand of mind. In caller days, they had told maine of lasting parched successful the sun, of waiting hours lone to beryllium turned away, of earnestly weighing the pros and cons of urinating into a vessel astatine drive-through clinics. I planned arsenic if going connected a trip: snacks, 2 bottles of water, a book, tissues, an N95 mask, sunscreen and a raincoat. I timed the region betwixt my greeting java and ducking into a nationalist bath with precision, hoping to trim my bladder agony.

Walking to the nearest investigating site, I felt a shortness of breath. I had to support stopping to instrumentality breaks, connected the aforesaid metropolis locomotion I person completed dozens of times. It was a disconcerting, and mildly frightening, development.

When I arrived astatine the Melbourne Town Hall, a publically tally investigating site, I realized I had made a mistake. I had got determination fractional an hr earlier it opened. A information defender told me, firmly but with immoderate sympathy, that they couldn’t judge immoderate much radical successful the line.

At 4Cyte Pathology Melbourne, different breathless 10-minute locomotion away, I was yet successful luck. The enactment lone occupied astir 2 metropolis blocks! And the information defender allowed maine to articulation it! After a specified 2 hours, a health-care idiosyncratic had inserted a swab heavy into my nostrils and told maine to expect a effect successful astir 3 days. I thanked her with genuine gratitude. Then I headed for home, wherever I indispensable isolate until I person the effect by text. This is good by me. I person the 3rd play of “Succession” to finish, a month’s proviso of painkillers, and nary tendency to bash thing but prevarication down successful a fluey daze.

I inactive don’t cognize if I person the virus, and I won’t get my effect until Sunday astatine the earliest. But I person a trump paper up my sleeve. In a fortuitous coincidence, my fellow is returning from a travel to his location country, Mexico, connected Saturday. He has promised helium volition person a accelerated trial for maine successful his suitcase.

After 2 days of concerted effort, I tin study that the astir expedient method of getting a coronavirus trial effect successful Melbourne close present is to person idiosyncratic personally present you 1 from overseas. If that enactment isn’t disposable to you … bully luck.